Monday, April 11

a little vulnerability for Monday...

I'm not sure why I am choosing to write this...but...I'm hurting today. Yesterday evening, I preached...I cried and laughed during the same message. At it's conclusion, I had nothing left inside to offer...and that's the place I always wish to be every time I conclude a sermon. The words I believe the Holy Spirit equipped me to say included my own personal testimony of how God has granted me, undeservingly, many second chances. I was moved when reminded of that grace.

As expected, the sun rose in the East this morning...the responsibility of feeding and providing for my family became real as it does every Monday. This responsibility is being taken care of through a full-time job...a job that isn't fulfilling for me...a job that I have no desire to do. I hurt on Mondays because I am not doing what my heart longs to do. Mondays are the greatest day of the week other than Sunday because it's a prime opportunity to follow up with what occurred on the Sabbath. Yet, I always find myself at a windows...a computer monitor staring at my face...worthless paperwork needing attention.

Right now, I'm avoiding work that is due...I'm behind...I feel unethical because during the day I sometimes work on "my message" or something else related to my passion...I should be filing paperwork and finishing my case management. I've been told that God wants me here...if He didn't...I wouldn't be here. Why doesn't peace come to my heart when I'm told that?

Before my family reads this and finds concern that "depression" have fallen upon my mind...know that I will press forward no matter what pulls at my legs. I feel selfish, in a sense, because I know many have lived less fulfilling lives than I do...but they still do it. Again, comfort does not come from knowing that. Am I cold? I don't think so.

Patience...David you must have patience. Okay.

27 months of unfillment...God, you're testing me and I'm gonna pass.

I have a perfect wife...a perfect son...a perfect family...and my friends...I have the best friends that I have ever had in my entire life! I find joy in the what God has blessed me with because I don't have these people in my life because of merit I've earned. HE has looked upon me favorably simply because He loves me. I am fulfilled in that truth.

Okay...I feel better. I have vented and thus been reminded of God's truths I've read in His Scriptures.


Katy is being obeserved by the Department Chairperson today...she requested to be observed! I married a wonderful woman. She's graduating in the middle of May...I'm so proud of her.

My birthday is a week from today...27 years old. Because Katy can't keep a surprise, she's already given me two gifts: KU's authentic home game shorts & a gym bag. I've practically worn the shorts everyday since she gave them to me...I wonder if it would be awkward for everyone if I preached in them? They are sacred you know.

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